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Love Letters to the NSA

Posted by Guest -

Thu, Feb 13, 2014

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Dear NSA,

This is awkward. All these years, you’ve been a secret admirer and I never knew it! You’ve kept track of my phone calls, my emails; all of my communications, but now that Ed Snowden finally spilled the beans about how you feel about me . . . well, I hate to say it and break your heart, but I’m not interested.

What were you thinking? There’s a thin line between devotion and obsession -you’ve crossed it. If you’re so fascinated by me, how come you never sent flowers on my birthday, hmm? Or took me to a nice restaurant?

When Ed first told me how you followed my every move, I’ll admit, I was flattered. You’re so powerful, so well-funded, you’ve got that whole James Bond spy thing going for you . . . and me? I’m just an overly intellectual, opinionated, activist-type, who is concerned with saving the world. Of course, that’s probably the basis of your attraction; you also want to save the world. But listen, we really should get together over coffee sometime because I don’t think we’re using those words the same way.

Next I thought that, since I’m not that pretty compared to the supermodels and movie stars you can spy on afterhours, you must be interested in me for my work. After all, I did write this novel, The Dandelion Insurrection, which depicts the American people in nonviolent struggle against the tyranny of the corporate-political collusion. You’re not expressly mentioned by name, but that section that talks about the fingers of the government crawled across the land . . . yeah, well, that was inspired by you.

But then Ed Snowden told me that it’s not my novel or my activism work. The truth is, I’m nothing special to you. You’re spying on everyone, all around the world. I’m just one among the billions. That’s harsh. But honestly, the way you’re spying on people all around the world is such a turn off. I’m a Leo, which means, buddy, that I am the show-stopper, the one-and-only, the center of the Universe – and your wandering, globetrotting, scrutinizing eye is not amusing to yours truly.

As for your mass data collection addiction . . . if information were food, you’d be an obese, compulsive eater with a thyroid problem.

Look, I’m sure the 30-40,000 employees that work for you are probably very nice, voyeuristic introverts with delusions of James Bond grandeur. I bet there’s not a day that goes by where they don’t count their blessings for their sizable and steady paychecks in this terrible economy. For many of them, it’s got to be a dream job: computers, hacking, encryption, decryption, inventing software, breaking the law – and all for a great cause! They get to fight terrorists from the comfort and safety of a computer screen instead of kicking down doors in whatever Middle Eastern nation our insane politicians have decided to invade.

But with all due respect, no amount of surveillance is going to save us from the ramifications of our nation’s warmongering ways. Our carnal lust for domination and destruction is creating enemies faster than beans make farts!

People around the world hate America not because they are insane, extremist, violence-prone psychopaths; people hate America because we are the most avaricious, aggressive, overly militarized bully on the face of the planet. We invade countries to fund our military-industrial complex. We drop Napalm, Agent Orange, depleted uranium, white phosphorous on civilians, bomb wedding parties with drones, stage secret CIA coups to depose democratically elected leaders, finance death squads, steal oil fields and opium markets, inflict destructive capitalism on the global economy, enslave third world nations to debt, and threaten the human species with extinction while dogmatically clinging to a religious fanaticism that denies climate change because it conveniently allows the fossil fuels industry to rake in the profits!

What did you expect the world to do, send us a love letter?

Let me tell you a secret that you clearly have not wiretapped yet: the way to prevent terrorism is to treat our brothers and sisters around the world with respect, withdraw our military presence, apologize for our illegal acts of aggression, stop causing climate change, feed the starving children, and get a grip on reality. Healthy relationships require listening, compassion, generosity, sensitivity, and yes, privacy.
So stop it. Stop the voyeurism. It’s not preventing terrorists – only peace, equality, and justice will do that.

Respectfully, I must break your heart. We’re all wrong for each other. You’re into spying, secrecy, and silent, distant obsession. And I’m a Leo. I want my admirers to come out of the closet, shower me with roses, croon like Frank Sinatra, dance like Fred Astaire, do the dishes, and massage my back.

Our one-sided relationship has got to end. You need therapy. You need a life. You need a restraining order from the Supreme Court.

With love,
Rivera Sun
P.S. I know you’re royally pissed off at Ed Snowden for telling me about all this, but stop threatening his life, would you? Just suck it up, call him, tell him you made a mistake, you’ve mended your ways, your mass surveillance days are done, and you’ve even got a Congressional Medal of Honor waiting for him. Oh, and I recommend doing all that before he gets a Nobel Prize. Thanks.

Author/Actress Rivera Sun is a co-founder of the Love-In-Action Network, a co-host on Occupy Radio, and, in addition to her new novel, The Dandelion Insurrection, she is also the author of nine plays, a book of poetry, and her debut novel, Steam Drills, Treadmills, and Shooting Stars, which celebrates everyday heroes who meet the challenges of climate change with compassion, spirit, and strength. http://
www.risingsundancetheater.com/wpblog/
Occupy Radio’s “Love Letters to the NSA” Listen to the podcast: http://
occupythemedia.podomatic.com/entry/2014-02-12T23_47_08-08_00

Featuring: Jill Stein, President of the Green Shadow Cabinet, Bruche Schneier, Kevin Zeese and Margaret Flowers of Popular Resistance, Cindy Sheehan, The Metta Center for Nonviolence’s Hope Tank, Pancho Ramos Stierle, Sister Mary Pendergast of the Sisters of Mercy, Keith McHenry of Food Not Bombs, Susan Rubin, Beau Hodai of DBA Press, Sue Sierralupe of Occupy Medical, Janet Wilson of Occupy the Roads, and
Stephan Schwartz of the Schwartz Report.

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  • Peter Harris

    Love it! Couldn’t have said it better myself! I want to make it clear also that this a personal relationship between every NSA agent that has been personally violating my right to privacy. If I find out who you are, I will personally hold you responsible for your violations. The American People will decide what your punishment should and will be. Let the constitution be your guide, is my motto. Citizens arrest? Need to study that one.

    Yours truly. Peter Harris

    P.S. maybe your drone can buzz my anti drone drone sometime.

  • http://facebook.com/redwoodhippie Robert Redwoodhippie Palmer

    Beautifully written creative message. I suppose these people at NSA are pansexual cause Ed told me they were watching and listening to me as well and I am a an old male hippie from the sixties who tried to share a similar message years ago and nobody would listen. I think you might have gotten to NSA’s ear. I will repost this on google+, facebook, and twitter in case they did not.

  • Rivera Sun

    Thank you Robert, that is very kind of you!

  • Rivera Sun

    That’s a good point about how personal our agents (if we have them, which actually, not all of us do at this point) are to our cases. That goes for all the surveillance agencies, case agents, FBI, police, etc.

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